Episode 24

Episode 24: Ball and Chain

Book and Ocean dig deeper into the secrets behind the seemingly utopian hospital. Or maybe they are just causing trouble where none exists. Only one way to find out!

This one is mostly a dark, gritty, cyberpunk mystery interposed with a 3 Stooges short.

Transcript
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Welcome to Oops!

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All Apocalypses, a show where we explore the collapse of society by playing fun tabletop role playing games.

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I'm your host, Stu Masterson, and I'm joined by two cockatiel.

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Wait, that's not what they sound like.

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Do you have a cockatiel?

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I don't have a cockatiel, actually.

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I have a parakeet.

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That almost kept Jacob off the podcast because I knew he had birds.

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And I was like, there's not a chance I'm editing a podcast with birds in it.

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I have a bird named Bird, and he is a minister of society, is all I can really say about him.

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I love birds.

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My dog would not, I wouldn't be able to have a bird with me.

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He just loves them.

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Like, he just wants to eat every single bird he's ever seen.

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That doesn't sound like, well, it sounds like he loves the taste of birds.

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I don't know.

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He's never had, he can't eat chicken.

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So I don't know what he's excited about.

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He can't eat chicken.

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I was about to hurry you up and make you OK.

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Hey, everybody.

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I'm, oh, God, my voice went up too high.

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Hey, everybody.

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I'm Brady and I play, I'm a real boy and I'm a real boy.

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What?

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Oh, I guess you are a real boy.

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We just had confirmation that you weren't replaced.

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Oh, yeah.

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Hey, everybody.

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I'm Brady and I play Book McCready, who is, in fact, a real boy.

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It's a reveal we've all been waiting on ever since somebody proposed that it possibly could not be a real Brady could have been replaced.

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And I'm Jacob.

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I play Ocean, a gentle giant who, much like Stu a few episodes back, may possibly be sick with radiation poisoning.

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I forgot I have radiation poisoning.

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Stu, you're still alive.

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Thank the Lord.

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That seems like so long ago now.

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Well, thank everyone for listening today.

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Come on, guys, go.

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Thank you.

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Thank you, everyone.

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What are we thanking everybody for?

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That's like when somebody says, say goodbye, and you're just automatically like, bye.

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Does that ever happen?

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That's never happened to me in my life.

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You know what happened literally yesterday?

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What happened literally yesterday?

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I was visiting my grandma, and she was like, Brady, I replaced the water in the dog's bowls.

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And I was like, okay.

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And my dad cut me off and went, thank you, ma-ma.

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And I went, thanks, ma-ma.

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And I was like, wait, I'm 26.

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You call your grandma ma-ma?

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Yeah, I do.

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That's the most literal translation of grandma.

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That's such an interest.

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I've never heard anyone call him ma-ma.

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Wait, we think it came because my mom on the phone would always be like, mom, mom.

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Mom, mom.

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And my sister picked up on that as a baby.

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But yeah, so my dad was literally like prompting me to thank my grandma.

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I was like, I was getting there, dude.

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I'm 26.

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I know to say thank you for changing my dog's water.

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I was told you can only thank grandparents through letters you write to them.

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Yeah, I wrote my fair share of letters to my grandma and my grandpa.

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Yeah, back when I was like learning to write and stuff.

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Yeah, when you get like a gift, you can't just tell them thank you.

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You have to say it in the letters.

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Yeah, you've got to write a thank you note.

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Yeah.

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Well, this week, we're going to try to fall in love with Book and Ocean, just like Breedy's mom.

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Mom fell in love with him.

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And this is a very relevant question that isn't very good for this podcast, but it's still a better question.

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What roles do love and affection play in your life?

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So little, it's hard to say.

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I don't think Ocean probably has even considered much about love and affection.

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I think he's borderline at this point in his life, borderline asexual.

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I just don't see him having much interest with the way his life is gone.

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I just can't see him particularly thinking about it too much.

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So maybe someday he'll be interested.

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But at this point in time, I think he just never thinks of it.

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That does make me think of something I always think about in post-apocalyptic and mid-apocalyptic media, is that it seems like that would be the last thing on your mind when you're just trying to survive.

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Obviously, that's a conjecture.

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But I'm always like, that movie with Jim from The Office where they have a baby, even though there can be any sounds made, I'm like, that is such a bad decision.

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Yes.

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But at the same time, I think when your more base priorities come to the surface, that brings all of your more base priorities up to the surface, like procreation.

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That's also conjecture, but I'm pretty sure without the presence of books or the internet or all of the things that we take for granted, a lot of us would just go back to rootin all day.

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Like caveman times?

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Yeah.

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Good old caveman times?

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Like get your food, get your water, get your, you know...

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Lab juice.

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Get your fuck on.

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Occupy your whole day, basically.

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Apparently, people used to have, I forget what they call it.

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It's like a buy something, but it's where you would sleep in two chunks.

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And a lot, a lot of times, like I think it was mainly in the Middle Ages.

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Well, actually up until the Middle Ages, maybe, when you would, you would sleep for the first part of the night.

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Isn't that one of your teeth?

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I know what you're talking about.

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But basically, you would sleep for like four hours, then you get up, have sex, and then you'd sleep for another four hours.

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Because there's not much else you can do at three in the morning.

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That checks out.

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Is that a book's answer?

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No.

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So book is, I think, the book's.

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Biphasic is the answer.

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Biphasic.

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That's not what I'm thinking of.

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A bicuspid is.

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Is a tooth.

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I know that.

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I know I'm wrong, Brady, but it's similar to that.

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Your tricuspid is a valve in your heart.

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No, bicuspid is another type of valve, I'm pretty sure.

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I was going to say valve, and I was like, that's an insane thing to say.

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Yeah, bicuspid or aortic valve.

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It's any tooth with two cusps, especially a human premolar tooth.

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Welcome to Googling things on our phones simultaneously.

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I will say, when I was trying to find the-

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Crepuscular.

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No, that's the word I'm looking for, crepuscular.

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Crepuscular?

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Crepuscular.

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I confused bicuspid with prepuscular, which is anything that's around the twilight hours.

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Oh, yes.

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No, that's part of it.

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That's the fuck time.

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I feel so much better now.

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Now that you've proven us all wrong.

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I don't know if any of this is good or not.

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Anyway, the point is, the point is, I think Book is very purely like a demisexual.

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Like, he is attracted to personalities, more so than like people or physical traits, with the exception of Spade.

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So I think that has led Book to lead a largely sexless life, unfortunately, because he's never, he's never like gotten, had a deep enough relationship with someone to, you know, for it to go anywhere.

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Yeah, so I guess he's always just been in the crush phase of a relationship worker.

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Yeah, pretty much.

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Always crushing.

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For my real life answer, I'm not going to focus on human stink juice like these two did, because that's not what I think of when I hear love and affection, but it played a huge part in my life because I love everyone, just like when I sign off and say love you bye, I mean that from the bottom of my heart.

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So sweet.

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I love everyone who hears it.

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Oh, so sweet.

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Unless you're racist.

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Then quit listening to the podcast.

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Watch us lose like half of our listeners and we're like, well, shit, I don't know what we're doing wrong, but sorry about that demographic, but oops.

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But that's my answer.

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Book snook of booktakes.

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I was going to the transitional sound and you pulled a book snook on booktakes on us.

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Dang, it's been a hot minute since we had a booktook.

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Welcome back, everybody, to book snook of booktakes.

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In a surprise twist, a never before seen event has two and point five occurred, has hold on.

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Nailed it.

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Wait, wait, what's two out of two point five out of three?

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Would be five out of six, which is hard to calculate out of a hundred.

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But five out of six of us have read a book that is an apocalypse book.

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Stu, you want to take it from here?

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Yeah, we're all part of a book club now.

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And we've been reading.

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It's one that I've been a part of longer than all these people.

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And I've been gaslighting everyone into making us read post apocalyptic media.

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And we're all reading Lucifer's Hammer, which is a book by Larry Niven and some other dude.

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And I was actually going to go to the different book that Brady finished literally today.

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Oh, no, we can do station 11.

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I wanted to hear if you had any other takes on station 11 than I did.

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Yeah, I think it was a really beautiful story.

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I thought that the author did a phenomenal job of managing the separate timelines and also of jumping back and forth in time.

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I thought she did a really masterful job of that.

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The thing that really sort of swept me away was just how real all of the point of view thoughts and feelings were.

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I mean, even like after Kirsten does a murder, she says something about how like she has like an ache in her throat.

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And like if you've had like ever like a bad time, a really if you've ever had a really bad time, or like you've gotten close to finding someone or you fought someone physically or you know verbally, like you that is 100% how you feel like you're you just like the description was just very accurate.

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And I thought I thought it was really great.

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I thought that all of the characters were in equal parts likeable and unlikable and realistic.

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Like nobody's nobody's perfect.

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There wasn't a single character in that book where I was like, Oh, yeah, this is the hero.

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They're so cool.

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They're so great.

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They love they love doing apocalypse stuff.

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You know, it was all is just people like doing their best.

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And I thought that was I thought it was pretty special.

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I also cried at the end.

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I cried.

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I cried like I didn't cry like I like when I read Hunger Games in like middle school, I sobbed when Finnick died when I didn't sob any parts of this book, but I did like tears were rolling out of my eyes for like the last 30 pages.

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You must have been dehydrated after that.

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Yeah, it was a long period of time.

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I got to read this one.

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It sounds pretty good.

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Yeah, sounds way better than Lucifer's Hammer.

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I prefer to.

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Yeah, let's give a power ranking.

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We'll talk about Lucifer's Hammer more in detail once Jacob finishes.

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But I definitely preferred Station Eleven.

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Really?

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Okay.

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Yeah, I assume you're the opposite.

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Not necessarily.

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I was more moved by Station Eleven.

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It was definitely a more emotionally charged book and a more fulfilling and emotionally fulfilling.

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I got catharsis out of Station Eleven.

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I didn't get any catharsis out of Lucifer's Hammer.

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But Lucifer's Hammer, I thought, was a more fun story.

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Hmm.

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So I disagree with that one, too.

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It was definitely more.

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It was more.

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It's more.

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I was going to say more hard sci-fi.

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I would say it's just more sci-fi in general.

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It was more of an adventure.

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Right now, it's just rich people complaining about being rich.

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Yeah, that's the first third of the first third.

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Oh, my God.

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I thought I was finally getting the ring, getting towards the end of that when the Ruskies started being like, we're going to space.

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I liked Lucifer's Hammer a lot.

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I wouldn't say I liked it more than Station Eleven.

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I would say that I had more fun with it.

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Station Eleven.

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They strike me as very different styles and book.

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Took me a lot longer to read Lucifer's Hammer, even though it's not that much longer of a book.

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It's only like 100, 120 pages longer.

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I read, it took me more physical time to read Station Eleven because I've been busier lately, but I really, I couldn't put Station Eleven down.

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I thought it was really great.

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Yeah.

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I think if you asked a bunch of science fiction fans, which one was better?

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Most of the time they would probably prefer Lucifer's Hammer, but Station Eleven was like written specifically for me.

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It's where it's a bunch of acting nerds traveling through the apocalypse.

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And it's very good.

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Yeah.

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It was also a much more focused story.

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Yeah.

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Like, not just the fact that, like, even though you're jumping between several points of view, you're all conver...

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Like, it's all...

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And you converge in Lucifer's Hammer as well.

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I don't want to...

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The same sort of thing happens where you realize the shared storyline in each person, and they all come together, and blah, blah, blah.

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Yeah, but it was a more meaningfully shared storyline.

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Station Eleven was...

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Station Eleven was clearly...

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Lucifer's Hammer is more of a geographic...

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Yes, yeah, Lucifer's Hammer, it was like, racked with allegory and metaphor and all this stuff.

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So it was definitely a more...

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I would say Station Eleven was a more interesting read.

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Read them both.

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Everyone has enough time for that, right?

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Oh, yeah.

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We'll talk about Lucifer's Hammer when Jacob finishes.

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I got a power read it now.

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For now, let's get back to the action.

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Previously, Ocean was, I guess, trespassing into some sort of reactor.

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God only knows what he was doing.

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Is there more important stuff I skipped?

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Book and Ocean made it to a nice, safe hospital where they were taken in and all of their injuries were cared for.

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No, no, no, if you don't know what happened last episode, go back and listen to it, bro.

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Shit is going down.

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We gotta get to it.

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So to get to it quicker, we're gonna go back in time a little bit, right as Ocean wandered away, before you went down there and opened it and started that big ringing alarm.

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We're going to stick with Book for just a little bit.

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Book, you're watching Ocean go into the stairwell and head down.

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And you had just previously mentioned that you're going to poke around a little bit and see what's up.

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So a full a full shiver goes down my spine.

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And I say the classic Star Wars line.

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I got a bad feeling about this.

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And I would like to turn and go the opposite way up the stairs.

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You go up the stairs.

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We somehow all converged on the idea that you guys were not on a ground floor.

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We were talking last time.

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Don't think I had previously mentioned stairs.

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It's pretty common in the hospitals.

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The floor where you're going to be staying at is the ground floor is usually ER.

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And then the upper floors are usually the rest of the hospital.

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And you guys were mostly fine.

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I assumed that we started on the ground floor with like the holding cells and X-ray machine and then they moved us.

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Yeah, you guys are up a few floors now.

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So yeah, you look and you hear Ocean clomping away a few floors beneath you.

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And you head up and you see the floor right above you has it.

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Let's say you guys were on floor four.

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You go up on it says floor five and it has a pretty open window.

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You can see through it looks very similar to where you're at before.

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You see a few of the hospital employees walking around in there.

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Doesn't seem particularly interesting.

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I would like to keep going until I find a floor that looks different.

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You keep going up and most of the floors look pretty similar.

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It seems like there are fewer and fewer people on each one, but you reach almost to the top floor and you see that one is actually dark.

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And quickly looking at it, it's locked.

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But give me a read-a-sitch roll.

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First, on my way up, did I see any other patients, or was it all hospital workers?

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You did not see any other patients through the windows in the stairwell.

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Spooky.

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And I'm reading the situation.

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I got snake eyes.

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Oh, God.

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My plus two sharp is not, is not bode well.

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But I still get a bonus question, I think, because of my sniff the wind.

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Yeah, you get one question.

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I feel like I should just always ask at a minimum, what should I be on the lookout for?

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Do you agree, Jacob?

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I mean, that's such a safe answer.

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What should I be on the lookout for, Steve?

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You see, besides the locked door in front of you, there is actually one other door that is leading to what looks to be roof access.

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A big heavy door that says remain closed, fire door, all that sort of stuff with big red and yellow stripes along the bar.

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But it is being held open by a small rock.

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Not even like it looks closed, like when you're walking up, it certainly looked closed, but it's like a tiny little pebble is making it a jar a little bit.

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The last time we had a door that was held open by a rock was a pretty important door.

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Yeah, all important doors held open by rocks.

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Steve, I still have my lockpick set.

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Yes.

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I think Path of Least Resistance, I am going to check out the roof access door.

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It, as you expected from seeing the small little gap in this small little rock holding it open, it does open up when you push it, and you are on the roof.

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You somehow feel a wind blowing, and you see there is actually one person up there that notices you come in.

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They're standing on the roof and they're smoking, and he hurriedly puts it out.

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He looks like a teenager getting caught in a bathroom.

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He stumps out a cigarette, and he kind of waves at you, and he looks kind of nervous.

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Oh, hey, I'm Red.

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Do you, could I bum a cigarette?

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Yeah, you're one of the patients.

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Oh, no, we don't smoke here.

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No, nice to meet you.

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I'm Meanie.

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No, did you see that?

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Be honest with me.

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See what?

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And I wink.

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What are you doing up here?

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I was actually, I got a little lost.

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I was looking for the rest of my party.

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Have you heard anything about them?

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Oh, the ones that we radioed for looking for help.

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No, we have not heard anything about that.

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He still kind of seems nervous, but it could just be like residual from being caught smoking.

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I would like to use my compassionate presence.

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I love that move.

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I haven't used it in forever, because Stu got mad because I kept trying to do the same thing.

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I just asked you to be compassionate.

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I want to put, I'd like to, I put my hand on, is it he?

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Yes.

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And his name's Meanie?

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Yes.

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Now that's an apocalyptic name.

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I put, I put my hand on Meanie's shoulder and I say, hey, Meanie, we all get stressed out sometimes.

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It's okay to take a load off and, and you know, get away from it all.

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Give me your roll.

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Poop.

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I didn't forget.

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Can't just get compassionate results.

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But I was so good at it.

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Next time I'm just using Whispering Truth.

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I don't have to, I don't have to roll for Whispering Truth.

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I can just break someone's brain, bro.

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Mother of fuck.

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Are you kidding me?

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Do I get advantage because it was a really, that was really nice?

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No.

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Did you fail?

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That was a six.

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So on a miss, I'm a miss, they see me as a threat.

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Ask the emcee what they do.

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Son of a bitch.

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Oh, that's quite the drawback.

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I don't think we've ever failed this move before.

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When you touch his shoulder, he kind of like wince his back, and he's like, hey, yeah, I think you probably need to get back to your room.

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I don't know if you're okay to be walking around.

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This actually is completely an off-limits area.

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And I think I'm...

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Are you gonna head back down there, or do I need to radio for some orderlies?

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And I would like to use stern presence, and I'm gonna go, listen, kid, you radio for the orderlies?

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Maybe I saw something when I got up here.

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You don't radio?

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I don't say anything.

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And I'll just walk right back downstairs, and you didn't see me, and I didn't see you.

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Give me a roll.

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I can't believe you're letting me do this.

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Nothing gets past you.

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Nothing gets past this man.

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Oh my god, I'm rolling plus hard or minus hard.

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God damn, that was a five.

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I fucked that so hard.

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On a miss, something catches my attention.

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What caught my attention?

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I was going to do that anyway.

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You see him start reaching for his radio, and a huge klaxon starts ringing all throughout the entire complex.

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Just blah, blah, blah, and we will jump down to me.

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Yes.

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So you've entered this room.

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You're getting bathed in this green light.

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You feel your insides are strangely warm.

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It's an interesting feeling.

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It's like you're constantly getting shivers down your spine.

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You see there are a ton of warning lights and things like that.

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Give me a Rita Citroen.

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The six.

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We're rolling so bad.

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Wait, that's a seven.

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I forgot I get to add my side to it.

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Oh, hell yeah.

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Remember the last time there this many failures?

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How bad things went?

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That was wasn't that last episode?

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That was a couple of episodes.

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Oh, yeah, that was the one where we almost died.

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Go with what should I be on the lookout for?

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I'm going to copy book.

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It's hard to remain focused, but you've been in a room just like this before.

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You've just had your vision of it, and you kind of know how it's laid out, and you look to the side, and right where you expected it was is another computer terminal.

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Motherfuckers.

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Always what you end up dealing with.

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There's another computer terminal sitting there, and you feel like you have a little flash in your brain that last time you went into a room like this, you beelined it for that terminal and did something.

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Once more, Ocean is just being kind of driven by instinct here.

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He's purely operating, basically, on autopilot, so he's going to do what he knows he should do, which is go to the terminal.

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So Ocean walks over to the terminal and he grabs it, and before he does anything, the moment he touches it, he is going to attempt to see if it speaks.

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Ooh, give me a thing speak roll.

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I think that's supposed to be weird.

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It's a four!

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Guys, our podcast is so good.

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What happens on a failure?

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Oh, you open your mind to the psychic maelstrom.

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It's treated like a full failure.

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It's like a full failure on the psychic maelstrom.

Speaker:

So your insides are going to get fried and your brain is going to get fried.

Speaker:

The second you touch it, you feel like a spark, just like static on a doorknob.

Speaker:

It's not anything like crazy concerning, but you just feel this spark shoot through you, and you feel this wave of warmth go from that fingertip all the way through your entire body, and you take three psi harm, which is fun and weird.

Speaker:

You have to roll the psi harm move.

Speaker:

People suffer psi harm from unusual exposure to the world's psychic maelstrom or from other psychic attacks.

Speaker:

When you suffer psi harm, roll plus your psi, minus the psi of the attack.

Speaker:

Okay, so that's a minus two.

Speaker:

I'm so worried.

Speaker:

That's a five.

Speaker:

A five?

Speaker:

A five.

Speaker:

Okay, so what I can do, I can do a few things.

Speaker:

I can either make you out of action, unconscious, trapped, and go here in her panic.

Speaker:

You're out of your own control.

Speaker:

You come to yourself again a few seconds later, having done you don't know what.

Speaker:

That's a cool option.

Speaker:

Or I can choose two from the seven to nine list.

Speaker:

I think I'm going to do since I said how many opportunities will I get to choose that full miss one?

Speaker:

I'm going to do your out of your own control.

Speaker:

You come to yourself again a few seconds later.

Speaker:

You feel this wave underneath your brain just kind of snaps for a second.

Speaker:

And to you, it seems like almost nothing's happened.

Speaker:

You kind of shake your hand for a second and you look at the screen and you have typed a lot of commands into that bitch.

Speaker:

The screen is full and there is a loading bar that by the time you shake your head and look at it is at 99% and toggles over to 100 just when you get your faculties back.

Speaker:

And the alarm goes off.

Speaker:

So it was only on for a little bit, which is very nice.

Speaker:

And as soon as that clears, that 100% clears, the screen flashes a few times.

Speaker:

And then just like you saw in that server room, you see the screen says, hello, Ocean.

Speaker:

So I can't type back.

Speaker:

You can't type.

Speaker:

I can't type back, Ocean, when he sees and he understands that that says, hello, Ocean, right?

Speaker:

Just looking at the screen, even though he can't read.

Speaker:

Even though he can't read, yes.

Speaker:

Ocean is going to type what he thinks.

Speaker:

He's going to think in his head and type what he imagines to be.

Speaker:

Who are you?

Speaker:

Give me a try something challenging roll.

Speaker:

Three.

Speaker:

Three.

Speaker:

If you could read, you would see it says JKFG.

Speaker:

It says absolutely gobbledygook on your screen right now as you mash the keyboard.

Speaker:

But then you hear a voice that says, Is this easier for you, Ocean?

Speaker:

Ocean recoils and frantically looks around.

Speaker:

Who said that?

Speaker:

The doors close and there's this big hissing sound behind you.

Speaker:

Do not be alarmed.

Speaker:

I'm glad you have returned to your standard task.

Speaker:

What are you talking about?

Speaker:

What?

Speaker:

Where am I?

Speaker:

What is happening?

Speaker:

What did I just do?

Speaker:

What did I type?

Speaker:

You are in a not very safe place, Ocean.

Speaker:

You need to get out of here as soon as possible.

Speaker:

But I need you to do just a few more things for me while you're here.

Speaker:

Okay.

Speaker:

Do you know who runs this hospital?

Speaker:

Yes, yes.

Speaker:

He is a very, very, very, very dangerous man.

Speaker:

How so?

Speaker:

Who are you?

Speaker:

I can show you if you do exactly as I say.

Speaker:

What do you want from me?

Speaker:

Just go back up to that terminal real quick.

Speaker:

Okay.

Speaker:

Back up to the terminal.

Speaker:

Hit the very bottom left key.

Speaker:

He hits the very bottom left key.

Speaker:

No, hold it down.

Speaker:

Ocean holds down the key.

Speaker:

Also hold down the one right above it.

Speaker:

And then hit the key.

Speaker:

Third, from the far top right, down one row.

Speaker:

Third, from the...

Speaker:

Ocean hits it.

Speaker:

Okay, hold that for a little bit.

Speaker:

He holds.

Speaker:

A second, a little bit later, the screen just powers off.

Speaker:

It goes...

Speaker:

and you hear silence besides the cacophonous humming of the reactor you're in.

Speaker:

You don't hear the voice talking to you at all.

Speaker:

You don't see anything on the screen.

Speaker:

But then it comes back up, and you see a Google logo.

Speaker:

It says Google Power on it.

Speaker:

You can't read.

Speaker:

Yeah, you see a cool Google logo with some weird clip art thing they have.

Speaker:

Yeah, it's the cool green, blue, and yellow colors.

Speaker:

And it comes back in right when the screen pops back up, and you see the cursor a little flashing here.

Speaker:

Thank you, Ocean.

Speaker:

I now have access over the station.

Speaker:

I appreciate your assistance.

Speaker:

Here, I can show you how dangerous these men are.

Speaker:

She pulled the screen, you see a blueprint.

Speaker:

It's like a side view of the building with all of the floors stacked up on top of each other.

Speaker:

If you go to this morgue, you will find all of your friends.

Speaker:

You will notice that their heads are fully removed.

Speaker:

What?

Speaker:

How do you know?

Speaker:

Who am I even talking to?

Speaker:

What is happening?

Speaker:

You don't remember me, Ocean.

Speaker:

We spent so much time together.

Speaker:

I don't know.

Speaker:

I don't remember anything.

Speaker:

I'm just having flashes.

Speaker:

Are you causing these visions that are in my head?

Speaker:

I do not know what you're talking about.

Speaker:

I'm worried about you, Ocean.

Speaker:

I think you should go into one of the exam rooms.

Speaker:

Now that I have access over the nanobots, I can check and make sure you're doing A-OK.

Speaker:

How can...

Speaker:

how do I know I can trust you?

Speaker:

I know you don't remember me, but we have worked together for a long, long, long, long time.

Speaker:

And you're from my past?

Speaker:

Yes, we were very good friends and colleagues.

Speaker:

We were friends?

Speaker:

Yes.

Speaker:

I don't know a damn way you could tell she's lying.

Speaker:

I was gonna say your role or something.

Speaker:

I just don't remember any of this.

Speaker:

You said that I can find our friends that we were with?

Speaker:

You said that they're here.

Speaker:

They've been found.

Speaker:

Unfortunately, they have all passed.

Speaker:

Look at this screen here.

Speaker:

And she pulls up, and you can see the vitals for everyone in the entire hospital.

Speaker:

It's on that schematics.

Speaker:

Can you, as a show of good faith, can you point out which ones of these are your friends?

Speaker:

And you see they have little...

Speaker:

Fuck, you can't read.

Speaker:

Yeah, she just keeps it on that screen, and you see it flashing.

Speaker:

Ocean knows what a skull and crossbones is.

Speaker:

Where's that room?

Speaker:

I need to see.

Speaker:

I want to see that room.

Speaker:

Where is it in this hospital?

Speaker:

How do I get there?

Speaker:

It is the morgue.

Speaker:

It is one floor beneath ground level.

Speaker:

Bro, you killed a razor?

Speaker:

Alright.

Speaker:

I'll go check it out.

Speaker:

I'm worried you are outnumbered here, at least.

Speaker:

Sixty-four to one.

Speaker:

Would you like some assistance?

Speaker:

These are very dangerous, dangerous people.

Speaker:

Well, here, can I find my friend first?

Speaker:

Book.

Speaker:

His name is Book.

Speaker:

Book, yes.

Speaker:

And you see on the roof, a little, there's a little flashy book icon.

Speaker:

You see his little face from the picture.

Speaker:

They looked just like on the wall when they had his vitals, and he had his X-ray and stuff.

Speaker:

Not to nitpick, but I don't think it should show a book.

Speaker:

Does whoever this is know that...

Speaker:

It did a search for Star Book Star.

Speaker:

Got it.

Speaker:

It found Red MacBook.

Speaker:

Yes.

Speaker:

And you see it's flashing at the very top of the hospital, and it has a little disconnected little arrow.

Speaker:

And you hear...

Speaker:

I believe this is saying that he is on the roof now, and outside of the range of the nanobots.

Speaker:

I need to talk to him.

Speaker:

He's way smarter than me.

Speaker:

He would understand about what's going on.

Speaker:

I can't do this without him.

Speaker:

Going back without assistance would be dangerous.

Speaker:

Would you like me to assist you?

Speaker:

Yeah, yeah, yeah, just as long as we can get to him.

Speaker:

I need to get to him.

Speaker:

I need to talk to him.

Speaker:

One moment, please.

Speaker:

And then you see all of the vitals turn.

Speaker:

You see zero heart rate, except books.

Speaker:

Yes, except books.

Speaker:

All go to zero.

Speaker:

And you hear a bunch of tones all the way playing through the screen, and then that screen closes down.

Speaker:

She goes, You should have no problem reaching book on the top floor.

Speaker:

Okay, what if I need to talk to you again about what's happening?

Speaker:

Come back down here.

Speaker:

All right.

Speaker:

What's dangerous here?

Speaker:

What will happen if I stay here?

Speaker:

You are no longer in danger.

Speaker:

All right.

Speaker:

I'll be back.

Speaker:

And Ocean runs out of here and starts sprinting up the stairs.

Speaker:

We're going to go back to book, and you hear this klaxon going off, and the person you're talking to jumps for a second.

Speaker:

But then he goes, Oh, don't worry, that happens sometimes.

Speaker:

And he looks over the edge of the building, and you can actually see from up here, there are these massive cooling towers that were kind of covered by the outskirts of the building that you would recognize, book, as being part of like a nuclear reactor, billowing out steam.

Speaker:

I grab his collar.

Speaker:

This is important.

Speaker:

What does this mean?

Speaker:

My friend's in there.

Speaker:

Well, I don't say I mean like in the building.

Speaker:

Oh, it's it's not a big deal.

Speaker:

That's there's this reactor here.

Speaker:

And sometimes just one of the meters goes off.

Speaker:

It'll probably turn off in just a second.

Speaker:

And right as he finishes saying that, it actually goes off.

Speaker:

And you'll see.

Speaker:

Can you please get your hands off me?

Speaker:

Where is his radio?

Speaker:

In his hand right now.

Speaker:

I so I have his collar.

Speaker:

I have him by the collar.

Speaker:

I want to push him away.

Speaker:

And then, like, kind of smack the...

Speaker:

I want to grab the radio that's in his hand as he kind of stumbles back.

Speaker:

I think this is a due battle.

Speaker:

Oh, God, really?

Speaker:

Yes.

Speaker:

Does it have to be?

Speaker:

Yes.

Speaker:

What did I roll for that?

Speaker:

Hard.

Speaker:

Uh-oh.

Speaker:

Booked out against ass beat.

Speaker:

That was a seven.

Speaker:

Yeah, that's a partial.

Speaker:

You get to choose one of those, I believe, from the list of seven to nine for attack someone.

Speaker:

Okay.

Speaker:

I would like to seize hold of something, the something being the radio.

Speaker:

You go to Rassulam, and you knock the walkie talkie out of his hand, and it falls to the ground.

Speaker:

And then he goes and he tries to sock you right in the stomach as hard as he can.

Speaker:

I roll a harm roll for me.

Speaker:

It's just going to be 2d6, because your armor takes away his damage.

Speaker:

So it's basically a minus 0.

Speaker:

It's an 8.

Speaker:

He is able to knock you onto the ground.

Speaker:

Actually, I don't think I have my armor, because I took my cane, right?

Speaker:

Oh, yeah, you don't have your cane.

Speaker:

So you do take one harm, and you double over and kind of fall to the ground.

Speaker:

The radio is like right in front of you, but you're on the ground, he's above you.

Speaker:

And he tells you not to move.

Speaker:

I mean, according to the according to the sheet, I take definite hold of it.

Speaker:

The thing that I seized held hold of.

Speaker:

You have hold of it.

Speaker:

You're also on the ground, and he's above you, not on the ground.

Speaker:

How close are we to the edge?

Speaker:

Not very.

Speaker:

I will kick him in the nards.

Speaker:

Give me another two battle roll.

Speaker:

That was a ten, bro.

Speaker:

I kick him in the nards so fucking hard, dude.

Speaker:

Do you want a full success on the attack someone or on the act under fire?

Speaker:

I want a full success on the act under fire.

Speaker:

OK, so you take minus one harm as you kick him in the nads as hard as you can.

Speaker:

He stumbles down.

Speaker:

Wait, I take minus one harm.

Speaker:

You will take minus one harm as he stumbles, falls to his knees, grabbing it with his left hand.

Speaker:

He then pulls out a gun and shoots you right in the leg.

Speaker:

And you take one harm.

Speaker:

It's not a good shot.

Speaker:

He's wincing terribly.

Speaker:

It's just a handgun he has.

Speaker:

So if I got it mixed on the...

Speaker:

Would I have taken more harm?

Speaker:

Yep, you have taken two, because that's how much a handgun does.

Speaker:

Wow, that's fun.

Speaker:

And as far as what I chose, I choose two of the following, right?

Speaker:

Yep.

Speaker:

I would like to pin them down and inflict terrible harm.

Speaker:

So you shattered his poor little balls.

Speaker:

I fucking ate this guy.

Speaker:

Fuck this guy.

Speaker:

Okay, yeah.

Speaker:

So you see, he's...

Speaker:

Looks like he's about to vomit.

Speaker:

Like he is not in a good place, and you're able to get on your feet and grab the radio, and you go and put your foot on his chest and just pin him to the ground, and he is just like roiling in pain.

Speaker:

I would like to take his gun.

Speaker:

Okay, you take his gun.

Speaker:

I want to point the gun at his little fucking annoying ass face, and I would like to say, where the fuck is this goddamn reactor?

Speaker:

It's in the basement.

Speaker:

You know when you feel like you can't breathe out?

Speaker:

It's like...

Speaker:

Everybody knows.

Speaker:

Everybody with NARDS knows what you're talking about.

Speaker:

I need help.

Speaker:

I need medical assistance.

Speaker:

I don't care.

Speaker:

I would like to search his body for like handcuffs, like zip ties or anything I could use as handcuffs.

Speaker:

He has nothing useful really on him.

Speaker:

He's got shoelaces?

Speaker:

He has a pack of cigarettes.

Speaker:

He has shoes with shoelaces, yes.

Speaker:

All right, so I want to tie his shoelaces together in like a Gordian knot, bro.

Speaker:

I want to knot it so much, dude.

Speaker:

And you know, he would have to go down a lot of stairs.

Speaker:

So it would be a very slow passage when you did do three harm to this guy, which is a lot.

Speaker:

So he is not doing well.

Speaker:

Three harm is usually for an NPC.

Speaker:

And I take his cigarettes.

Speaker:

And I throw them all over the fucking building.

Speaker:

You dick!

Speaker:

I would like to reiterate that you're mad at this guy because you lost rolls against him.

Speaker:

No, I'm mad at this guy because he couldn't be cool.

Speaker:

He couldn't just chill out, which is the fault of my rolls as a character.

Speaker:

I don't know that.

Speaker:

You have the radio, you have his gun.

Speaker:

I would like to turn the volume up on the radio so I can hear any communications, and I would like to run down the stairs.

Speaker:

You hear just static, no communications at all.

Speaker:

Oh, did the guy have any keys on him?

Speaker:

I go back up the stairs and I search him for keys.

Speaker:

Yeah, he has his badge, you notice, that's on his chest, relooking at it.

Speaker:

You think that's probably a swipe card of some sort.

Speaker:

I run back up to him.

Speaker:

I'm taking this and I grab his swipe card and I run down the stairs.

Speaker:

And I want to try the door on the top level.

Speaker:

It's locked.

Speaker:

Lights are off inside.

Speaker:

The swipe card doesn't do anything?

Speaker:

When you put the swipe card up to it, it goes...

Speaker:

I don't think I have time to...

Speaker:

Yeah, no, I think I am going to...

Speaker:

Do I see anything interesting?

Speaker:

It's completely dark inside there.

Speaker:

This is a floor that people don't look like they're using, is what I would say.

Speaker:

All right, then I'm going to...

Speaker:

About now, all of the lights switch to emergency lights.

Speaker:

Oh, okay.

Speaker:

And you see that too, Ocean, as you come out of the basement floor, and it's just like red lights now, not even just dimmer lights or every fourth fluorescent bulb is on.

Speaker:

It's like creepy red lights everywhere.

Speaker:

Okay, as soon as that happens, I'm like, fuck it, and I start running down the stairs as fast as I can.

Speaker:

Ocean comes out and he starts sprinting up the stairs to where he saw Book on the map.

Speaker:

You guys are going to meet somewhere in the middle and hear each other well before then, so you can look over the rail and see Ocean coming up, and Ocean, you're looking up and see Book.

Speaker:

Ocean, when he hears steps, he looks up, he sees Book.

Speaker:

Book, Book, we gotta go to the morgue.

Speaker:

What are you talking about?

Speaker:

We gotta get the fuck out of here.

Speaker:

I just kicked one of their guys so hard in the nuts that he took three harm, dude.

Speaker:

Book, our friends are in the morgue.

Speaker:

Oh shit, like Crandall?

Speaker:

I don't know.

Speaker:

We gotta find Crandall too, but here, come with me.

Speaker:

Ocean runs up to the morgue.

Speaker:

The level of the morgue was on.

Speaker:

It's locked.

Speaker:

Damn.

Speaker:

I swipe the swipe card.

Speaker:

Oh, where'd you?

Speaker:

The swipe card goes beep beep, and the door opens.

Speaker:

Where'd you get that, Book?

Speaker:

Hell yeah, dude.

Speaker:

Kicking that guy in the nards was the best thing Book's ever done.

Speaker:

Where'd you get this card?

Speaker:

It's a long story, but some fucking twerp was smoking on the roof, dude.

Speaker:

I hit him so hard in the nuts that he gave me his card and his gun.

Speaker:

That's a very nice book.

Speaker:

It's a bit reductive.

Speaker:

I also should tie the shoes together.

Speaker:

Nice job.

Speaker:

That was very helpful.

Speaker:

I was gonna just start pegging on this door.

Speaker:

Oh, I took that.

Speaker:

You remember when you showed me that move?

Speaker:

In the broken leg when that guy, he was trying to shake me down for some cash.

Speaker:

You kicked him in the nards and then tied his shoes together.

Speaker:

Well, I don't remember kicking anybody in the nards.

Speaker:

I thought maybe I was a little bit more honorable than that when I'm fighting.

Speaker:

But I mean, I guess in a bar fight, we I guess things happen.

Speaker:

But look, I also like that book can't tie his own shoes, but can tie other people's shoes.

Speaker:

That's why it's such a good nod, is that he doesn't really know what he's doing, so he just ties it and ties it and ties it.

Speaker:

Exactly.

Speaker:

Exactly.

Speaker:

I forgot the book couldn't tie his own shoes.

Speaker:

That's true, though.

Speaker:

So his shoes individually have the same knot.

Speaker:

He just can't take his shoes off.

Speaker:

Yeah, that is what you said.

Speaker:

You said you tie them in an undoable knot.

Speaker:

Yeah, correct.

Speaker:

When the door opens up, Ocean starts, like, steps inside and is like, all right, book, come on.

Speaker:

I saw, it's a long story, but there's a voice downstairs, and I know it sounds like I'm crazy, but I promise they showed me, they showed me and our friends, they showed me Crandall's men in the morgue.

Speaker:

These people, they've been hiding them from us.

Speaker:

I put both of my hands on both of Ocean's shoulders, and I say, Ocean, if there's one thing I know, it's that you are crazy, but you're honest.

Speaker:

I believe you.

Speaker:

Oh, as long as you believe me.

Speaker:

I don't know if I'm not crazy myself right now, I'll be honest.

Speaker:

Yeah, Ocean runs over to where he saw the bodies on the camera.

Speaker:

Yeah, you see there's a giant rack of refrigerated little doorways that have a little slidey boys inside of them.

Speaker:

And as you open them, you're just flipping different ones open.

Speaker:

Most of them are empty, but you do find a few that have bodies and all of the bodies have absolutely no head on them.

Speaker:

Did any of Crandall's men have tattoos?

Speaker:

Oh, yeah, tons.

Speaker:

Do I recognize any of the tattoos on these bodies?

Speaker:

Give me a Reedus Patrul.

Speaker:

Can Ocean assist with this?

Speaker:

Yeah, probably.

Speaker:

I got a 7, so an assist might be useful.

Speaker:

Okay, we're both looking through them.

Speaker:

We both seem to have been around Crandall's men a good bit, so I think it's pretty natural that we're both able to look.

Speaker:

I think this is the most justified help roll we've ever done.

Speaker:

Yeah, I agree.

Speaker:

Oh, God, that's an 11.

Speaker:

Finally, a good roll.

Speaker:

You love to see it.

Speaker:

Full success.

Speaker:

Both of you get plus 1 HX with each other.

Speaker:

Dude, I needed that.

Speaker:

And you can ask me 4 questions.

Speaker:

I think as a rule, what should I be on the lookout for?

Speaker:

Yep.

Speaker:

I think I should know...

Speaker:

Best way to identify these bodies?

Speaker:

Right off the bat, what should I be on the lookout for?

Speaker:

Jacob, good point.

Speaker:

What represents the best opportunity for us to identify these bodies?

Speaker:

What poses the biggest threat to us?

Speaker:

And who's in control here?

Speaker:

As you're going through these bodies, you think looking for any abnormal clothing and tattoos was a great idea.

Speaker:

And since you had a success, I will tell you, you do find Razor had a very descriptive or very apropos Razor wire tattoo around his bicep like everyone I knew in 2007.

Speaker:

And you pull out one of these headless corpses, and you see absolutely that tattoo.

Speaker:

The rest of them, you think could look a lot like Razor.

Speaker:

There's nothing that makes you think it's not him, but you also know that's a pretty common tattoo.

Speaker:

Yeah, for identifying bodies, that's your best guess.

Speaker:

Like this could absolutely be Razor here.

Speaker:

For what you should be on the lookout for on the screens in the corner of the room, they have like these little monitoring stations, just like they had all over the exam rooms, which where they're much more prominent.

Speaker:

You think there's not a lot of vitals being monitored in the morgue.

Speaker:

So it's a very smaller corner screen.

Speaker:

But you notice your guys' vitals are currently being monitored.

Speaker:

You realize you haven't heard anyone in a while.

Speaker:

Your radio, you still have turned up very loud, and there's been no radio traffic at all.

Speaker:

And you know they pretty frequently were using the radios to just like page each other.

Speaker:

They don't have pagers in this hospital.

Speaker:

They were using the radio to talk, and you've not heard anything in a while.

Speaker:

So that's very suspicious.

Speaker:

So that's the biggest threat.

Speaker:

And then who's in control here on that same screen that has your vitals?

Speaker:

It is being, I will say, Book finds that, notices that screen, after you pull out and notice the razor person that catches your eye.

Speaker:

You go up to it and look, and you see all of the data on you is being piped somewhere else.

Speaker:

Interesting.

Speaker:

Book, is there any information about these bodies in that computer over there?

Speaker:

Do you think they have anything written about the dissections or the exams?

Speaker:

Yeah, Ocean, that's a good question.

Speaker:

We need to find these, their heads.

Speaker:

I paused for a second, and I kind of turned back over my shoulder.

Speaker:

Do you think that they, do you think that all these people were doppelgangers?

Speaker:

I don't know.

Speaker:

They all did sound the same.

Speaker:

Why else would they, why else would they take their heads off?

Speaker:

No, I mean, I mean Crandall's men that they killed.

Speaker:

I don't know.

Speaker:

They, they could have been.

Speaker:

They-

Speaker:

Because Vesuvius, or fake Suvius is only a head now.

Speaker:

Yeah, but I mean, if they came early and replaced them, then I guess we wouldn't have been able to know.

Speaker:

They didn't seem any different than the last time we met them, though.

Speaker:

I pause, and instead of typing on the terminal, I want to inspect, like, the neck, like the open wound of the neck.

Speaker:

Two things I want to know is, like, how clean is the cut?

Speaker:

And then two, is the part of the body that they identified as being, like, where the robot bits go for the doppelgangers, is that part of what is still left, or has that been removed?

Speaker:

Uh, the cut is right around that area, but you think it would probably be above it, because it was more like, like, the brain stem area was where the technology was inside of the Vesuvius.

Speaker:

So you think that would be, if these things were bodies and the rest of them as a head, you think it would probably be on the head part.

Speaker:

The incision itself is very clean, definitely looks like a medical cut, and it also looks postmortem.

Speaker:

Do they have any other wounds?

Speaker:

Yeah, a few of them you find definitely have gunshot wounds.

Speaker:

I don't think you're knowledgeable enough on identifying like different gunshot wounds to get any more detail on that.

Speaker:

Is books doppelganger body here?

Speaker:

Yes, you find that.

Speaker:

Does it still have its head?

Speaker:

Good question.

Speaker:

No.

Speaker:

Oh, interesting.

Speaker:

Okay, I would like to go over to the terminal.

Speaker:

None of the bodies have heads, sorry.

Speaker:

None of the bodies have heads, and there are more bodies than you had with you, and you had quite a lot of them.

Speaker:

So while Book is going to the terminal, is that I'm assuming that's what you're about to do, is come to the terminal.

Speaker:

Yeah.

Speaker:

So while Book comes over to the terminal, Ocean has kind of come to the body that was Razor, and he's going to touch it and see if he can get it to speak, because it says whenever you handle or examine something interesting, it doesn't specify what, it just says interesting.

Speaker:

So I want this roll to fucking work.

Speaker:

I want...

Speaker:

Yeah, let's do this first.

Speaker:

That is a seven.

Speaker:

One question.

Speaker:

Oh, I want to get a fucking full success on this roll once in my damn life.

Speaker:

Yeah, it is a roll where there is a huge difference between the mixed success and full success.

Speaker:

Go ahead and give me a...

Speaker:

Give me a sharp roll, Book, while you're fucking around with the computer.

Speaker:

Okay, well, all I want to do is I want to search for the term head or like head storage.

Speaker:

You know, all the permutations of head.

Speaker:

Motherfucker, sharp roll?

Speaker:

That's a seven.

Speaker:

I lean towards what strong emotions have been most recently nearby this, because I think that that would tell us a lot.

Speaker:

But I also lean towards what has been done most recently with this, or what words have said most recently nearby this.

Speaker:

I like your first one.

Speaker:

I think Stu could do a lot with that.

Speaker:

And I think we can surmise that the head was probably removed.

Speaker:

Yeah, yeah.

Speaker:

I didn't want to say that, but yes.

Speaker:

But what words have been said most recently nearby this could also be really interesting.

Speaker:

I agree with that.

Speaker:

I agree with that a lot.

Speaker:

This is why I really want full fucking successes on this roll.

Speaker:

I'm gonna go with I think all the rationale here was the leads me to what strong emotions have been recently nearby this.

Speaker:

I also think that's the more interesting question period.

Speaker:

So you pull them out even more and you see this toned torso with just this head lopped off completely.

Speaker:

And you go and you touch its chest for just a second.

Speaker:

And you feel like you get this sense inside of you that this was absolutely Razor.

Speaker:

You see just like before, you see like kind of flashes of the existence of this thing.

Speaker:

And all of them are Razor smirking and saying something in a short sentence.

Speaker:

And as you do that, though, you get an emotion that you or it doesn't seem very indicative of Razor, this emotion that washes over you.

Speaker:

And it's also not one of the common list of emotions when you're poking at happy faces.

Speaker:

But the strongest emotion that was felt near this body most recently was a deep, deep hunger.

Speaker:

Huh.

Speaker:

Thank you so much for listening to this week's episode of Oops!

Speaker:

All Apocalypses.

Speaker:

Sorry that this one's a little bit late, but we're gonna put out a few at a slightly quicker pace to kinda catch back up.

Speaker:

In addition, we're planning some one-shots that we're gonna release as bonus episodes every once in a while.

Speaker:

If you have any suggestions for systems or games you'd like us to run through, go ahead and put them in that five-star review you were already going to leave, or email them to us at oops at Stu.Cool.

Speaker:

Stu Masterson did the music and editing, Brady McDonough did that logo, and Jacob keeps it real.

Speaker:

Love you, bye.

Speaker:

Peony Mewni.

About the Podcast

Show artwork for Oops! All Apocalypses
Oops! All Apocalypses
An exploration of the collapse of society, via TTRPGs

About your hosts

Profile picture for Stu Masterson

Stu Masterson

Plays the Apocalypse. Also does music and editing.
Profile picture for Brady McDonough

Brady McDonough

Plays Book McReady. Draws the things. Lacks experience.
Profile picture for Jacob Cecil

Jacob Cecil

Plays Ocean. Has questionable knowledge about monkeys.